i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
