i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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