Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
