Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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