Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
