I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
