nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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