Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
