The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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