i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
