after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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