I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
