Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize