I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
