Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I just blew my weed a kiss
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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