My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
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