you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
