DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
