8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize