It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
