Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
