I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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