The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
