Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
So here I am, sexting at work.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize