I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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