Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Randomize
