so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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