A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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