fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
