there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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