Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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