Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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