Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
