he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
