Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize