So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
