Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
