apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
