Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
