So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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