jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I smell like Dick and happiness
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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