Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
