No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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