i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
