I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
When did angry sex become our thing?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
