So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
