At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
