i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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