I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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