Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize