not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
