I'm going to jail i love you
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
