My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
