so that wasnt chicken after all
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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