ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
