Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I have fence marks all over my body
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You ruined the universe
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
