not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
