I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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