I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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