I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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