So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
