so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
