i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Sext me about skeletons
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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