I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
