Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Is it penis luge time yet?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
