Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
