u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
