U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I did not marry a roomba.
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