Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize