Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
