his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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