If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
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