Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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