ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
