Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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