All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
third nipple confirmed
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
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