My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
