someone threw a dead crab at me
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
