I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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