I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
