idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
there's paper in my vomit.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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