Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize