He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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