I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
