First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
