God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
