My sheets look like a crime scene.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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