i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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