Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
you traded sex for a burrito?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
