Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
