you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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