ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
